Bring me your sweet release.
I cannot wait for you to come to me
Take me from this life.
Rescue me from my pain
And my loneliness.
I have waited so long for you.
When you finally come to me,
I will welcome you with open arms.
Gladly, I will embrace you.
Short as it may have been,
Has been a life full of undeserved suffering.
In the past I have tried to make you take me sooner than destined.
But my efforts have proven fruitless.
Am I here for a reason?
Am I here just to suffer?
Oh Death, why wont you rescue me?
While I am eager for your arrival,
Waiting for you with open arms.
I also fear you.
I fear you more than have ever feared anything.
I fear the unknown of you, oh Death.
How will you take me?
Will it hurt?
Will I suffer?
Will those who care about me suffer?
Or will it be quick, and painless?
A fast, sweet release.
The one I have been longing for.
I do not know.
And that terrifies me.
I would love to do this job in your place.
Take my own life.
Eliminate all my fears of you.
Have a little bit of control over my demise.
But I cannot do that to the people in my life.
They will forever be asking themselves “why?”
“what could I have done to prevent this tragedy?”
“was this my fault?”
I do not want those in my life to suffer as I have.
So I will leave this in your hands, oh Death.
You have control over my fate.
Yet I want you to take your time.
Some days I do not feel ready to leave this earth.
Some days I am happy with the life I am living.
I know that when you take me,
Some people in my life will suffer.
And I do not want that for them.
I don’t want those who care about me to suffer,
But I want those who do not care,
Those who have done everything they could to ruin my life,
Those who have uttered hate filled things about my soul,
I want those who do not care to suffer.
Bring me sweet release from this life I am living.
But let me live it a little longer.
-Shawna Ferguson 2017