Thursday

He’s not going to answer.

I just know it.

He doesn’t care,

Not really.

I sob into a loaded gun.

My only friend.

The weight of the world on my shoulders is too heavy,

But the gun feels light as a feather.

I dial again.

Praying to a non-existent god that he answers.

But I know he won’t.

The sound of the empty ringing is deafening.

Hurting my ears.

I can’t take it anymore.

I step up to the edge,

Holding the gun to my head.

If one doesn’t do the job,

The other will.

Ringing…

Voicemail.

Fuck!

I knew it.

No one really cares about me.

Whether I live or die.

I take a deep shaky breath.

One small step.

My toes are over the edge now.

Pressing the gun to my temple.

I feel the cold metal against my skin.

This is it…

Another deep, shaky breath.

It’s over now.

I didn’t want it to end like this.

But it’s the only way.

The only path to peace.

About to take that last step.

About to pull the trigger.

My phone starts ringing.

It’s him

I am saved,

For now.

-Shawna L Ferguson 2016

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